As a new teacher in a quality school district, I had the best principal, team and classroom! But when we moved to a rural, Southern community — my teaching experience was completely different. My principal was inept; my teaching team was discouraged; and the working environment was downright toxic.

This is when the broken system I was working in began to reveal what was "broken in me." I made all the classic mistakes.

Offending people. Saying right things, perhaps — but in all the wrong ways! Confronting injustices, for sure — but without consideration as to how my manner and mode were being experienced. So instead of aligning people, I alienated them — squandering any opportunity for positive influence. I left the job feeling defeated, discouraged and disillusioned.

This painful experience was a wake-up call to my lack of others-awareness. It was a jolt of reality that put me on the road of a much-needed journey — the road of relational wisdom.

Later, my relational roles became even more up close and personal: as a parent, a pastor's wife, a ministry leader. In these crucial relationships, I set out to learn what few books could teach:

• How to become more other-centered in my communication — to listen intently, question deeply, speak cautiously

• How to set loving boundaries with reactive, controlling people

• How to have high-stakes conversations that demonstrate honor toward others and deepen trust

• How to best sow wisdom into the hearts of my children through their own relational challenges and conflicts

This was an uneven journey — far from perfect! But with each misstep, I sought to learn. Little by little… one conversation at a time… I began to change. As I changed, I began to see others around me change too. My influence grew in a way that was deeply satisfying.

That is why I became a Relational Wisdom Trainer and Coach. My deep desire is to equip others to interact wisely and well with those they lead and serve.

I finally began to recognize how my own relational weaknesses were causing relational wedges — how I was being heard and experienced by others in ways that triggered their disproportionate reactions. The more I began to focus on saying, in a better way, what needed to be said, the more it became a game changer. Not immediately, but over time. How I wish I could have learned relational wisdom principles much earlier.